Humorous and Funny Love Quotes
A collection of humorous and funny love quotes.
Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
-- Adrienne Gusoff
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
-- Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
-- Albert Einstein
Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Anonymous
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
-- Anonymous
The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
-- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
-- Anonymous
Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.
-- Anonymous
When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
-- Anonymous
Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!
-- Anonymous
You can't buy love on eBay.
-- Anonymous
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
-- Bette Midler
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
-- Brendan Francis
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
-- Cathy Carlyle
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
-- Cecilia Egan
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
-- Cher
Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
-- Cher
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker
I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.
-- Dudley Moore
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
-- Erma Bombeck
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
-- Fran Lebowitz
It is impossible to love and be wise.
-- Francis Bacon
Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
-- Fulton J. Sheen
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
-- George Carlin
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.
-- Glenn Beck
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
-- Helen Rowland
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
-- Henry Kissinger
When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
-- James Fineous McBride
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
-- Jean Kerr
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford
It's been so long since I made love,
I can't even remember who gets tied up.
-- Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
-- Joan Rivers
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
-- Jonathan Carroll
No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
-- Joyce Brothers
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
-- Katharine Hepburn
True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
-- La Rochefoucauld
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.
-- Lily Tomlin
The only people who make love all the time are liars.
-- Louis Jordan
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
-- Natalie Wood
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
-- Oscar Wilde
Love is a grave mental disease.
-- Plato
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner
Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.�
-- Sandra J. Dykes
All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
-- Shelley Winters
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
-- Steve Martin
A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.
-- Thomas Hardy
Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.
-- Tommy Dewar
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
-- Walt Disney
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
-- Woody Allen
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
-- Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
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